The Day That Changed Everything

October 7, 2023, began as an ordinary morning in Israel. It was Simchat Torah, a holiday meant to celebrate joy and renewal. But within hours, it became the deadliest day for Jews since the Holocaust. At dawn, Hamas launched a coordinated and unprecedented attack, breaching Israel’s borders and massacring civilians in their homes, at bus stops, and in bomb shelters. Terrorists infiltrated kibbutzim and towns, slaughtering entire families. At music festivals, young people who had gathered to dance and celebrate were gunned down or taken hostage. In total, over 1,300 lives were stolen in a single day.

But the true cost of that horror was not just the lives lost—it was the lives shattered. Among the victims were mothers and fathers, leaving behind children who woke up with parents and went to sleep as orphans.

The New Generation of Orphans

Since that fateful day and the start of the Iron Swords War, between 775 and 923 children have been orphaned in Israel, depending on the data source.

• By February 2024, at least 665 children had lost a parent, including 255 who became orphans due to the October 7 attack alone, with 22 of them losing both parents.

• By October 2024, 814 children had lost a parent, 293 due to enemy attacks and 521 as children of fallen security forces personnel.

• The National Insurance Institute reported 923 orphans, including 293 children under the age of 18.

These numbers reflect a nationwide trauma that will not fade when the war ends. These children will grow up without their parents’ voices, without their comfort, without their guidance.

This is where science must ask the hardest question of all:

Is There Hope?

The loss of a parent in childhood is one of the most devastating experiences a human can endure. Research shows it dramatically increases the risk of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and lifelong struggles with emotional regulation. But amidst this well-documented pain, there remains a paradox—why do some children, despite everything, grow into adults who form deep relationships, achieve great things, and even create beauty in the face of tragedy?

This question is deeply personal to me. I, Tsachi Ein-Dor, the corresponding author of this study, lost both of my parents before the age of 16. My mother, Ruth, died of cancer just before I turned 12. My father, Solomon, passed away four years later from the same illness. What struck me most was what the doctors said: his cancer had been developing for exactly those four years, as if he had "died" with my mother, and his body simply followed.

Losing my mother left a void in our home. Losing my father left a void inside me.

And so, I dedicated my research to understanding not just the pain of loss, but the science of resilience. What allows some children to find meaning after devastation?

Our Hypothesis: The Dual Path of Trauma

We set out to examine two competing pathways that can emerge after childhood parental loss.

1. The First Path: Prolonged avoidance—a withdrawal from relationships, not only with the lost parent but also with the surviving one. In early grief, children often distance themselves from emotional intimacy to protect themselves from further pain.

2. The Second Path: Long-term resilience and growth, where, paradoxically, individuals who have suffered parental loss ultimately develop lower general attachment avoidance in adulthood. We hypothesized that biological adaptations in the oxytocin and dopamine systems—which regulate bonding, stress resilience, and motivation—might facilitate this shift.

Our Methods: Studying Psychological and Epigenetic Change

We recruited 371 adults, including 33 who had lost a parent in childhood, and assessed:

• Attachment patterns (to parents, romantic partners, and close friends)

• Openness to experience, particularly creativity

• Epigenetic modifications in genes linked to oxytocin and dopamine, focusing on their role in social bonding and motivation

By combining psychological assessments with biological markers, we aimed to map how loss shapes the mind, the body, and the very chemistry of human resilience.

The Trauma: The Silence of Orphans

Our findings confirmed what many orphans know but struggle to express: grief is not just sadness—it is silence.

Children who lost a parent often displayed avoidance behaviors, distancing themselves not only from memories of the deceased parent but also from the surviving one.

I experienced this firsthand. My father and I sat at the same dinner table, yet an invisible wall stood between us. I had lost my mother. He had lost his wife. We shared the same space, but not the same loss. What could we possibly say to each other? So, we said nothing.

This experience of withdrawal and self-isolation has been widely reported in research on orphans. One orphan, L., who lost his father at 13, once said:

“I isolated myself and didn’t want to hang out with people as much as I used to… I was just really quiet. Although I had friends, I would prefer to be by myself.”

This avoidant coping strategy is a natural reaction to loss. If love leads to pain, the mind learns to avoid love itself.

The Growth Out of Trauma: A Shift in Attachment and Biology

Yet, strikingly, avoidance was not the whole story.

Our study found that over time, those who had lost a parent actually exhibited less general attachment avoidance than those who had not. Rather than becoming permanently detached, they became more open to deep relationships in adulthood.

Oxytocin: The Neurochemical Bridge from Loss to Connection

At the biological level, we found distinct DNA methylation patterns in the oxytocin system. Specifically, those who had lost a parent exhibited reduced DNA methylation at sites associated with oxytocin gene expression, as well as at regulatory sites on RyR1 and RyR2—genes that play a crucial role in oxytocin’s positive feedback loop.

This suggests greater oxytocin activity, which can facilitate social bonding, reduce stress by modulating the HPA axis, and increase feelings of security in relationships.

Dopamine and Creativity: The Drive to Explore and Achieve

We also found that those who had lost a parent exhibited higher creativity, particularly in the ability to break boundaries and think outside the box—hallmarks of openness to experience.

At a biological level, this was associated with lower DNA methylation on dopamine transporter genes, indicating prolonged dopamine activity.

Dopamine fuels curiosity, exploration, and risk-taking. It pushes individuals to challenge norms, question assumptions, and forge new paths—a trait frequently observed in individuals who have faced early adversity.

It is no coincidence that many of history’s most creative minds lost a parent early in life—Edgar Allan Poe, Virginia Woolf. Their losses, devastating as they were, may have rewired their neurobiology to sustain lifelong curiosity and motivation.

Is There Hope? The Answer is Yes.

Parental loss is an unimaginable tragedy, but our study suggests that it does not determine a life of suffering.

For those who have suffered loss, our research offers something more than science. It offers hope.